Visits

This week Little Man and I embarked on a new part of our adoption journey. Unlike the princess Little Man has the opportunity to know his biological Mom and Dad. These first few years of his life he will have the chance to hang out with them every couple of months. This past week he and I made the first of these visits.

Quite honestly, life was busy enough that I had kinda forgot about this first visit until about a week ago when I was at the beach and actually had time to put two thoughts together at the same time! I wasn't nervous about his visit, but I wasn't exactly excited either. I'm very glad that he has this opportunity to know his parents, but there is still an instinctive Mom trait that wants to protect him from things that could potentially be difficult.

With both of my children I know that a day may come when they will ask difficult questions and no matter how much we love on them and build a stable home for them they may still ask WHY? And Little Man will have something that his sister doesn't, someone who can tell him the truth so that he knows it is true. We can tell the princess what we THINK her Mom was thinking and feeling when she chose to allow us to raise her, but she can't hear it from the horse's mouth and that will always leave room for doubt. Little Man will at a minimum be able to put faces to these people that we talk about as his first parents. The princess will probably never know who her first parents are.

I don't know how visits like this are supposed to go. I know they can't be easy because we aren't dealing with easy things. But Little Man was his normal self throwing out an occasional smile, pitching a fit when he got tired, and then succumbing to sleep and looking cute as ever.

I know that it was way harder on Little Man's parents than on me. It was evident on both their faces. But I saw their smiles also. Both of them. It was the first time I've seen his Dad smile. Little Man may bring some painful memories for both of them, but I think on some level he still brings them joy.

At one point I ran out to my car to get something and I came back in to find the three of them huddled together on the same side of the table. My first thought was..."This is the way it is supposed to be." But, unfortunately there is so much in our world that does not go the way we think it should. I'm just eternally grateful that we are the ones who have the privilege of raising Little Man!